birthday boy

Here is my 5-year old. Oh my God. He's 5. When did that happen? Yesterday, I was on my way home from the midwife, calling my work saying shoot I know sales commissions are due tomorrow but I am going into the hospital to have a baby so I'm really sorry! The day before that we were trying to find a better route to the midwife's because we always seemed to be late. And we didn't even have anyone else to get ready or strapped in the car besides ourselves.

Not long after, we were sitting at the table, dazed & confused. A little baby Finn who just seemed to want to cry all the time forcing us to eat in shifts and wonder, what on earth have we done? Here's what we did:

We had a wonderful, life-changing, eye-opening, reality-altering child who would keep us on our toes every single day for the next 5 years and I don't see that stopping any time soon. He is the heart of my heart and the craziness of my days. He is the responsible older brother and the soon to be kindergartner (again, oh my God). He amazes, confuses, enrages and sustains me. Happy birthday, Finn. I love you.

On his birthday, he awoke to streamers and balloons hanging from his door. "that surprised me, mom," was his response. More streamers and balloons adorned the dining room and railings. He had told me for weeks before that on his birthday I didn't have to do any work and all I needed to do was play - God bless him. That morning we had a field trip to the local dairy farm.

This is Allyson. If I had to choose right now, this is the girl that Finn would marry.

After the field trip we were rained out at the park so went to the McDonald's playland to play with his friend, Brady. Then, home to have a rest, Burgundy took a nap and Finn drove his car around the yard. Later, we went to Chuck E Cheese. Here is me serving cake or something. Don't I look calm & happy? And not at all frazzled and like I should be talking to 20 people at once and spending all my money on pizza and tokens? That's good then.

I notice that while at Chuck E Cheese, Finn gets this dazed look on his face (probably not unlike the look on our faces shortly after his birth). Perhaps it's too much stimuli, perhaps the indecision of not knowing which game to play next. At one point I walked away from the two overflowing tables at the back to find my boy standing next to his friend, Drake, watching him play a game, that look on his face. I stood back a way, observing, as I'd often catch my mother doing (and now I know why). I heard Drake tell him he was the best at that particular game. Finn put in a token and Drake took over the controls again telling Finn he had better play it because of his unrivaled prowess over catching the ping-pong balls in the bucket. Don't misunderstand me, I know how 5-year olds are, and I do not dislike Drake. We picked him up at home because he is Finn's good friend and he is one of those kids who you get a good feeling about, rather than that "I don't want my kid any where near that little shit" feeling. You know the one.
But at the conclusion of the game, after I had stepped in and suggested the taking of turns, after Drake had wandered off somewhere else, I told Finn, "Buddy, it's your birthday, your special day, so do whatever you want." A little thing. And then we went off together and played games together. Sitting in a too-big race car game, me doing the pedals and him steering, laughing our little heads off, that is what I hope to remember in 20 years. Not the craziness of 20-plus adults with a multitude of kids to feed and provide tokens for, not the feeling that I should be talking to everyone more, not the feeling that it's been too long since I've been able to hang out with a bunch of people and enjoy it. No, not those things, but the little chunk of time that I remembered what I was there for, and went off to find my 5-year old son and spend time with him on his special day.

There were so many people that we opted to take the presents home rather than opening and losing them there. Then we did our nightly rituals and I tucked in my son. His faithful dog beside him. When asked if he had a good birthday, he said he did. When asked what his favorite part was, he replied it was driving his new car around the yard. And the next day, out of nowhere, he recalled proudly, "mom, you said it was my special day and I should do whatever I want." Yes, buddy. Forever and every day, I hope you can take that advice.

new toy

wow

This, I just had to share. Tonight, my little family went up to Cody's parents' house. Toni & Todd and family are in town to finalize a few things with their house, so after we spent the entire lovely day outside doing yard-work, we went up for dinner. It was a fun time and the kids very much enjoyed playing with their cousins. Here is the amazing part. We ate dinner and then sat at the island and talked... and talked... and talked. Our kids were so happy playing, that I was able to sit there for probably an hour and a half and chat. This is a milestone in my eyes.

My kids are getting older. Seeing as Cody has 4 siblings, I have seen this happen - I have seen people sitting around talking while their children play, and they didn't have to be constantly interrupted with diaper changes, and any of a hundred other requests that tiny children tend to make. It usually happened to me that I would sit, try to be part of a conversation, and as soon as it would get good, I'd be called off to handle some emergency, put out some (figurative, usually) fire, etc. Or, conversely, I wouldn't get involved in the conversation at all because I knew I would just be disgruntled when I had to leave it.

Tonight, they played. They were well behaved. They had fun. Tonight, I talked, I visited, I held an actual adult conversation that lasted more than 20 seconds without interruption. I had fun.

My kids are getting older. My kids are becoming a little more self-reliant. I can see it in the little things every day. Tonight it stood out for some reason. It was really lovely.