losing Rigby

Today I am pretty sad. We are getting rid of our dog, Rigby. He is a good dog but unfortunately I am in a spot right now where I am unable to deal with him. He has a few things he does (like chewing, barking, whining) that probably wouldn't be a big deal for a sane person, but that is not me right now.

I think my kids are a bit too little for this crazy dog, because he thinks of them as his brother and sister puppies instead of his leader humans so that is not the greatest situation and I can't be there every second to monitor that. And since I can't get rid of my kids... just kidding.

So yeah, it is a bummer situation all around. I am trying to deal with it all today - everything from the immense feelings of failure to the excrutiating fear of scarring my son by doing this to the logistics of getting him to a good home. We have been going over this and over this for weeks, and yesterday I decided I was going to put an ad on KSL and just see what happened. Of course, I got 4 calls that day. The first lady to call has older kids (12, 16 &18) and an older Schnauzer. She had another dog who died last year and her Schnauzer has been sad without a playmate. So the lady is going to bring her dog over today and we'll see how they get along. I think if they get along that will be a really good, happy place for Rigby to go to.

But I woke up today with my stomach in knots and really, truly just wanting this day to be over already. So all day, I have been watching the clock and it's been a countdown until she was supposed to come at noon. Then she called me at 20 after to say I had a pipe burst so can I come tomorrow. For once, I was able to say no to someone (other than my kids). I said I'm sorry and I really want to accommodate you, but this has been the worst day and I certainly don't want to live it again tomorrow. So if you can come after the plumbers come that would be good.

That is extra bad because poor Cody had to come home from work today (not an easy thing for him to do) because in my head I knew I needed to be the strong mom who holds it together for my kids, but unfortunately that is not what was happening. I was basically a mess all morning and even though it was a huge pain in the butt for Cody to come home, I am so glad he did, becauase I feel more balanced when he is here and less like the whole world is on my shoulders alone. But now if this whole thing isn't going to go down today I am going to have to relive it tomorrow.

So now I am just waiting and this day keeps stretching out in front of me with no end in sight. And I am trying to avoid a mental breakdown.