I must be filled to the brim. Because on several occasions this day, I have leaked out information. Not clandestine, top secret leaking of information. More like thought spillage. To friends, neighbors, husbands, strangers on the street... Just feeling edgy, vulnerable and full up with problems so I am airing some out and letting them go.
Here's one problem I have. On a couple occasions, we have had nice older people from the neighborhood drop by to say hello and introduce themselves. Say, "welcome to the neighborhood." I can't tell you how much this means to me. I try to walk that fine line between being outgoing and being socially awkward (this coming from a desperately shy person all through school, so it's new to me, this... being friendly and all). So when people take that first step so I don't have to, it's great.
Then they ask me if I'm LDS. And I feel like the interview is over. They always say it like this: "so, not sure if you're LDS or not........" insert long, blank pause for my response. I wish I could be the type of person who could just not fill in the blank. Wish I could come up with something witty and clever like, "and you're wondering because.........." but then I feel like I'm being mean and they're just trying to be nice. But I always feel like the one with my hand in the cookie jar.
If you are LDS, I bet this is a nice segue, and you can say, "why yes! I am!" and then they tell you when and where to go for church or something and say see you next Sunday! But when you're not, it is a little uncomfortable. Probably most non-LDS people say nope we're not, and go merrily on their way. For me, I feel like I've just failed some sort of test. (reinsert that shy girl from school - who did NOT like to fail tests).
I don't have any predetermined opinion per any individual whatever they are, I base my opinion of a person on how they behave. Religion or not, if you are a jerk, then I probably don't like you. And if you're nice, then I most likely do. So what I want to know is, why ask? Can someone not come over and introduce themselves and, whether or not they are LDS, just have a nice get to know you chat, then say "well, see you later!" No mention of religion necessary. Really, why IS it necessary?
I feel like I've made good choices in my life. I am a good person. I don't feel like not being LDS is a bad choice, or a hurdle to overcome or something people should feel they need to work on. But for some reason when people ask me this, it puts me on edge. It makes me think I am being judged. And I feel like it's the equivalent of someone asking, so can we be friends or not? I wish people would come say hi, and still say "I live down the road some, you should stop by if you're out that way," because they thought I was a nice person. But now I'm thinking they're just saying that but they don't really mean it. I wouldn't feel that way if they just never brought it up to begin with. I am going to guess that if you live here you are probably LDS. But I don't really care either way. And I'm not going to ask you within the first 5 minutes of meeting you. You can assume I'm not since I have a big tattoo on my back. And you can judge me accordingly if you wish. But if you don't see that at first, or even if you do, maybe you could just get to know me for me.
Here's one problem I have. On a couple occasions, we have had nice older people from the neighborhood drop by to say hello and introduce themselves. Say, "welcome to the neighborhood." I can't tell you how much this means to me. I try to walk that fine line between being outgoing and being socially awkward (this coming from a desperately shy person all through school, so it's new to me, this... being friendly and all). So when people take that first step so I don't have to, it's great.
Then they ask me if I'm LDS. And I feel like the interview is over. They always say it like this: "so, not sure if you're LDS or not........" insert long, blank pause for my response. I wish I could be the type of person who could just not fill in the blank. Wish I could come up with something witty and clever like, "and you're wondering because.........." but then I feel like I'm being mean and they're just trying to be nice. But I always feel like the one with my hand in the cookie jar.
If you are LDS, I bet this is a nice segue, and you can say, "why yes! I am!" and then they tell you when and where to go for church or something and say see you next Sunday! But when you're not, it is a little uncomfortable. Probably most non-LDS people say nope we're not, and go merrily on their way. For me, I feel like I've just failed some sort of test. (reinsert that shy girl from school - who did NOT like to fail tests).
I don't have any predetermined opinion per any individual whatever they are, I base my opinion of a person on how they behave. Religion or not, if you are a jerk, then I probably don't like you. And if you're nice, then I most likely do. So what I want to know is, why ask? Can someone not come over and introduce themselves and, whether or not they are LDS, just have a nice get to know you chat, then say "well, see you later!" No mention of religion necessary. Really, why IS it necessary?
I feel like I've made good choices in my life. I am a good person. I don't feel like not being LDS is a bad choice, or a hurdle to overcome or something people should feel they need to work on. But for some reason when people ask me this, it puts me on edge. It makes me think I am being judged. And I feel like it's the equivalent of someone asking, so can we be friends or not? I wish people would come say hi, and still say "I live down the road some, you should stop by if you're out that way," because they thought I was a nice person. But now I'm thinking they're just saying that but they don't really mean it. I wouldn't feel that way if they just never brought it up to begin with. I am going to guess that if you live here you are probably LDS. But I don't really care either way. And I'm not going to ask you within the first 5 minutes of meeting you. You can assume I'm not since I have a big tattoo on my back. And you can judge me accordingly if you wish. But if you don't see that at first, or even if you do, maybe you could just get to know me for me.
1 comment:
Dear Melissa,
I know its been a long while since we've chatted. Sadly, I think about you and never follow through with a phone call or visit. I would like to let you know that I always enjoyed our friendship when we worked together. I never had a "problem" with our religious differences, rather, I enjoyed your intellect, creativity and mothering skills. I hope you know I did not base our friendship on whether you were the same religion as me.
I am going to apologize for us LDS foke who often times forget how to interact socially with others not of our faith, (especially those in our group that have never lived outside of the great state of Utah). We like to place both feet right down our throats sometimes. I'm not sure why. However, I have been known to be guilty. So, I would like to think that if I lived down your cute little country road that we would be great neighbor friends and we would have all sorts of discussions about design, kids, camping, Chicago and books!
I'm saddened about these recent experiences you've had and will pray that some new folks will get to know you because you're a pretty amazing gal and that's the reason they come around.
We really should get together sometime.
Monica
801-918-9702
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